Why I Think a Girl In Her 20s Should Never Date a Much Older Man

dating_a_sugar_daddy_january9_14

One thing I could always count on from my boyfriend Sam, who was 22 years older than me, was extreme jealousy. Early on in the relationship it was flattering, but as the years went by, the feeling of being flattered quickly turned into feeling stifled and suffocated.

Sam had an expression—“shining on”—which meant that if my gaze lingered on another man for too long, I was “shining on” to this new guy, at least according to Sam. I quickly learned to keep my eyes to myself, especially when a handsome young male came anywhere near me. Sam was getting older, but I was blossoming at work and had a thriving social life. He was quite aware of this, and was desperately trying to hold onto me.

Because of Sam’s possessiveness, I actually snubbed my neighbor—who happened to be a young man—when he showed up at the same restaurant where Sam and I were having lunch. My neighbor kept trying to get my attention, and when I finally had to acknowledge him, I acted like I barely knew him. I was worried that Sam would accuse me of “shining on” to him if I acted too friendly. Sam seemed to have eyes in the back of his head when it came to me; so of course, he immediately noticed when I did finally acknowledge my neighbor. I had to introduce them to each other, and explain to Sam exactly how I knew this other man. Obviously, Sam would later accuse me of sleeping with the neighbor behind his back.

I remember another occasion that Sam’s possessiveness became an issue. This time, his behavior was so bad that it was almost enough for me to walk away from him forever. It was at an office Christmas party at a house nearby. I was in my mid-20s, and loved a good party.  This one had a lot of employees from out of town that were in the city for a national-wide company meeting. I had the chance to meet a lot of people with whom I previously only had phone conversations. I was chatting with a manager from one of the other state offices, and he asked me to dance. Since Sam was occupied in a conversation at the other end of the bar, I figured it would be okay, so we went out on the dance floor.

After the dance, we walked back to the bar, and continued our conversation. I looked away for a second, only to see Sam charging toward us, with a look of anger and determination on his face. He butted into our conversation, loudly introduced himself, and made it very clear that I was his “lady.” I had always enjoyed when he introduced me with that title, but this was one of the first times that it made me feel uncomfortable.

I couldn’t help but think about what this upper-level manager—with whom I was just sharing my career aspirations—was thinking about me now. He was probably confused about what was happening. He was probably also wondering whether or not Sam was going to haul him out and punch him. I was absolutely mortified and felt like a child that had just been scolded in public.

Later in the car, Sam asked me if I would have rather stayed at the party and gone back to the man’s hotel room. Needless to say, the rest of the night was disastrous.

Some part of me wished that I had slept with all of the men he thought I had been with—my 20s would have probably been so much more exciting. The truth was, I was just afraid to sleep with anybody else. Sam’s temper was so volatile; I didn’t know what he would do to the other guy, or even me, if he ever found out.

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Emilee A

About Emilee A

Sam was my new boss. I was 24; he was 46. We were both married, and I was immediately attracted to him. We began having lunches off campus, then crafting ways to meet for drinks after work, dinners out, even the occasional Saturday when I would tell my husband I was spending the day with a girlfriend. During this time, I asked my husband for a divorce. What young husband could compete with a worldly, mature executive who knew how to treat a lady? Sam took me to expensive dinners, on lovely vacations, and he knew what to do in the bedroom. But as the years went on, our age difference began to rear its ugly head. He became increasingly jealous and possessive. I found out from his son that he even kept a journal on me. I spent 10 years with Sam—10 years of being with a man who, because of his age, would not marry me and would not give me children, as he’d “been there, done all that.” Sam always told me he made “a better boyfriend than a husband.” I wish I had listened…

  • stimpy77

    If a boyfriend, and I saw no mention of marriage, he was completely inappropriate. If married, though, or intent to marry, he was completely in the right! In which case, however, I think a better concern or possible cause for resentment was his choice to marry a beautiful, “shiny” woman that would offset his ridiculous insecurities in a shallow manner. Trophy wives and seeing them that way are difficult to maintain on both sides.

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    • http://www.myspace.com/belindashort belindashort

      He’s never in the right if he is jealous for no reason. Some people are insecure and its not a good trait.

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  • Jennifer Silver-Hudnall

    I liked older more established men who were very successful when I was in my 20’s but I found being objectified didn’t suit me. I had a brain and dreams of my own. I definitely didn’t marry one of those guys. As an almost 40 therapist, I find the biggest reason to avoid such a relationship move is that at that age you really don’t know who you are, and that learning time is important. It is the time a woman should be spreading her wings to fly, not to settle for the safety of a cage and free meals.

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  • http://www.myspace.com/belindashort belindashort

    This is all about self-esteem. If someone has good self-esteem, they won’t be jealous like this no matter what their age is. Security in yourself is the trait that shines above all else. In this situation it seems like he considered you little more than a possession than a partner, which has ZERO to do with age and everything to do with perception. I have had men my age and younger treat me the same way. Assumed I looked at other men and accused me of sleeping around. In the end, its all about the character of the person.

    Not sure why you were drawn into these situations but these men are not a good example of all ‘older’ men.

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  • John Dizzle

    Eh…I wouldnt say age was a factor. Some men are just insecure. Hel.. Some women are just insecure. Regardless of age. You cant generalize and say this is the dynamic of all “older/younger” relationships.

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  • HaplessCommie .

    She’s trying to have her cake and eat it too. Women start out with all of their beauty when they are younger, and that is when they need to attract a man who will stand by them as they age. This is also when they should have a baby while their body is healthy and able to bounce back. Or they can squander these years getting drunk and banging randos and getting self-righteous about the patriarchy and then wind up 40 and alone and giving bad advice to the next generation.

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    • Blah

      Wow, how incredibly sexist of you.

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      • HaplessCommie .

        Yeah and it’s true…sorry fi you don’t like the cold hard light of day

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  • Sky Ha

    lol watt

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  • Brigadon

    rofl. girls in their 20’s should be dating men in their 50’s. They are fertile, rich, and right about the time you get tired of them they die.
    Then you can screw the pool boy while you destroy your kid’s lives. The american dream!
    The problem is, girls today are skipping the ‘marry the rich older guy’ part, and moving right into screwing the poolboy and destroying their kids. Trailer park tragedy.

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What My Abusive Sugar Daddy Taught Me About Being a Good Wife: Part 2

What Happens After You Tell Your Family You’re Dating a Rich Man Who’s Twice Your Age: Part 1

What My Abusive Sugar Daddy Taught Me About Being a Good Wife: Part 1

The Weirdest, Most Unforgettable Thing He Ever Did to Get Me Into Bed (Not What I Expected!): Part 2

The Shocking Confession My Sugar Daddy’s Son Made About His Father: Part 2

The Weirdest, Most Unforgettable Thing He Ever Did to Get Me Into Bed (Not What I Expected!): Part 1